MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! I’ve crossed over the threshold of thirty and I am 32, and still getting my airquotes “shit” together. I have grown so much, yet also dealt with so much. I feel strong but sometimes afraid. I am starting to learn how to fight fear and just follow my instinct more and listen. Every year, when it’s a new year or I turn a little older I share with you lessons that I’ve learned along the way. Here’s what 31 has taught me…
So far 32 has been kind of amazing, everyone thinks I am still in my twenties, being cozy is still okay, and I’ve been traveling a lot. I’m glowing. I was sad for a bit tbh after my breakup but I’m back on my Girlboss/Nicegirl shit and no one is going to get in my way.
I guess that sounds bitter. I have just gone through a break up I am not entirely over. One day I think I’m good and his face is fading out of my memory, I don’t remember how his hands feel or how blue his eyes were. But then I do, and I’m fucked again. It wasn’t a bad breakup but loving someone who loves you or not – and you can’t be together just isn’t cool… I would be lying to say that this wasn’t the heaviest heartbreaks I have ever felt. Which is why I decided to stop pressuring myself this year to have my age need to look like someone else’s life. I know what I want, but once you’re even close there’s a lot of pressure. To have kids, to be married, to not be a cat lady alone on the couch with pot and chips weekly. There is pressure!
But I have decided to focus on me. Cliche, but I mean being the best I can be for me. Like most things in my life, I will always have what I need and deserve. Even if these moments of suffering mean waiting longer to have a greater, longer lasting prize…
If Yung Metro don’t trust you, Imma….
I say this all the time, but not everybody is your friend. AND THAT IS OKAY. And sometimes the snakes slip through the cracks and get through. I have good friends, and I am a good friend. That’s how I have good friends. I sometimes let people in my friend circle (especially in Europe because I am essentially new here). If I feel good vibes with you and we can speak on a real level I’m behind you. I don’t hide the way I work, the way I feel and how important trust and honesty is for me. I have had an old friend date my ex of years, people steal jobs from me, and girls yank out my chords during DJ sets because they were jealous. So I might be nice, but I don’t deal with bad vibes, opportunistic people or fake people. If you are interested in me because of who my best friends are, who I know, who I work with, how many followers I have, or my looks you should know I am still struggling to make my way in my career, I fought long and hard through authenticity and kindness to get my place, and I don’t need fake friends I have too many real ones. But like I said, they slip through the cracks. People who think working in a shallow industry gives us the permission to lose all humanity and manners.
When you recognize these traits in someone in your circle, you need to run. Running will be hard, and distancing yourself without being deemed a bitch will be difficult- but that person just wasn’t listening to you and who you are. And that’s fine. You don’t need to feel bad for holding your adult friendships in a high place, or trust for that matter. And if you are uncomfortable you don’t need to deal with that.
It’s a waste of time, energy and aggression. Turn the page, move on. There are plenty of people who ride for you the way you ride for them.
LESS IS MORE
I learned I look better without make up and with my curly hair. To buy enough groceries for 2-4 meals would mean finishing them. I can read a whole book on a train ride. Always ask yourself if you can live without it before buying. Do you NEED it? Sparkling water tastes great. Working out feels good and might give you the chance to look like you’re in your twenties again. Finishing a beauty product feels valid. Coffee, but sometimes ginger tea. Cats are okkkkaaaaay. Read lots of books. Freelancing is hard. Stop working for free. Say no. Take your time. If you are like me and have a big ass smart mouth you don’t need to fight every battle.
I also learned that being cozy is okay. I realized my love for oversized tees and track pants hasn’t really gone away, and that’s okay. So I rock it. When I need to dress up, I know how to. Staying in has also become something for me. I give every friend of mine the “spiel” about how I don’t really drink or party like that anymore. Yes, I am a DJ, and yes I like to dance and have fun but I just don’t love to drink and as you get older the need to social drink goes away if drinking was never your thing. Saying no is easier.
BEING FRIENDS WITH GIRLS IN YOUR FIELD & NETWORKING CORRECTLY
Lately, I have been so lucky to cross paths with girls I just like.
The Vibes, trust and loyalty is just there from the beginning. We all work in the same fields and we get along and have respect for one another. We talk about work and how we can collab, but our vibes and friendship is the basis of what we feel for one another. I am writing this, because I want to speak about the friendships we make while working or how we feel about our friends we end up working with.
I am not a selfish person, I think some people might agree with me, some people might not but “connections”, “hook ups”, and “jobs from friends” are nice but if you truly care about your craft and your career longevity you want to be respected for what you do, how you do it, how well you do it and you want to be noticed and approached for those reasons.
I’m 32 so I’m from the generation right before social media took over. I am used to setting up a coffee, or being contacted for work. I don’t go on instagram and follow a recipe like a lot of the new generation is doing. I have had girls I know from the US write brands in Europe I work with or order items I’ve worn that they wanted and then post similar content weeks later. To the brand it’s great, but for me you went behind my back without even giving me a compliment. If you wrote me asking to be connected to the brand I would have connected you, but right there you showed me you are looking at what I am doing, and you aren’t trustworthy enough to just ask to be connected. I still have a strange feeling about the kind of work we do, but I just believe in treating people like you would like to be treated. If you worked hard for something the honest way, it’s sad that we live in a world where people are willing to “cheat on their homework” or take a backroad.
BE A GIRL’S GIRL ALL THE TIME
I meet so many women who are afraid of eachother, one of the luckiest things I feel is that I am able to be myself. I am comfortable in my skin and I really don’t care what you feel about me as long as I feel good about me. I cross paths with many women who are not in this place yet. They mimick other women or put other women down in order to feel better about themselves. I have to be honest because there’s no point in writing this but I used to be like that too! I still am like that when it comes to my love relationships. I keep women away from my boyfriends. And I have had many little petty fights with girls that were for sure jealousy based on one or both sides.
But Alas, I have learned my lesson… And I have invited myself to be open. I can read people like a book, it’s a gift. I can honestly say when are you are open to being real with people & authentic – authentic people just fall into your lap. And in certain seasons the wrong people will be removed.
What is so important to me is recognizing that just because someone shines a little more than you or is in their element doesn’t mean that you don’t shine in your own way. And Wow it feels amazing to honor someone else’s beauty. It could be as simple as complimenting someone’s outfit or lipstick to how they kick ass in their career when you are genuinely happy for them. There is something wrong if you don’t feel happy for other women. I always say I am a feminist, but not a feminist because I truly believe it is not something that needs to be shouted through obnoxious things like not shaving armpits (unless you’ve had a busy week) or flashing with your girls. It needs to be soft and there, always. Life gives us so much to worry over a span of woman and motherhood about we don’t need to fight eachother. Having good girl friends, or strong women makes all the difference and helps you to be stronger.
photos by @InesKarma
Special Thanks to Le Pigalle Paris Hotel & family
Styled by Aurielle Sayeh