“The streets weren’t made for everybody, that’s why they made sidewalks.” -Cookie, EMPIRE
I’m always trying to be very honest when I am writing about things in this space. It’s my space and I like that I am able to share what I feel freely here. I have received an overwhelming amount of support from my friends, colleagues and followers saying that they like to read what I am writing. So I won’t sugar coat things, I really wanted to speak today about what happens in life when everything… well, isn’t aright.
Yes in my “perfect” instagram square window of a world- I too, have real problems and struggles and sometimes they are emotional ones that are very hard to get out of. I am a true cancer naturally, so for any cancers out there reading (you will say OHHHHH). A cancer, being most compared to the crab feels most comfortable in it’s shell, and sometimes when the world afflicts it too much it goes into it’s shell entirely.
I want to be honest and share these moments because lately (not sure what it is) I feel the relationships and friendships in my life have had a lot of introspection. It’s something for a long time that I have seen that people have a misconception of what your professional life and what your personal life may be like. If you have large goals, you have large rewards- but you also have large stakes. I am forever speaking about my love for Paris, but like other cities I have been in love with before after time and life sometimes things lose it’s magic. Sometimes, it’s just you and a moment you are having as well. I have many friends who have opened up to me about not feeling “happy” at this moment.
Maybe this is a “taboo” thing to speak about, but it’s something that I feel should be spoken of. I can attest to feeling stressed because of life things- money problems, being homesick, the way people in paris behave in the metro (I live off of the ligne 13 it’s a zoo), the decisions friends have made, behavior of people I care about, being disappointed. I am preparing for my first TED talk when I go back to america, and I really have tried to be okay with being OPEN. When we are open something happens I think. We can immediately begin to see ourselves and how we are thinking from an outsiders point of you.
There’s a quote from singer Erykah Badu that I love so much, “You don’t have to believe everything you think.” I love this quote because in the hardest times of my life, I would like to say outside situations tripped me up. Family stuff, heartbreak, people doing this or that to me…. but REALLY that’s not accurate. It was letting those things sit in my mind and heart too long that tripped me up. Sometimes there is something so poetic about being sad. Wouldn’t you agree?
I have my best creative ideas when I’m sad. I feel more sympathetic towards my fellow human when I am sad. I get to know myself best when I am sad.
I’d like to challenge people to feel what they are experiencing not in just the good times, but in the bad too. A good french friend of mine, whom I love so much, because bless her heart after knowing eachother over a year she doesn’t speak any english and I don’t speak the good french (still) but she speaks french and I understand (somethings) her. She said something to me I cherished so much yesterday when we were talking about our faith. She said “I go to (my religion) G-d when I am really sad, or when I am really happy.” I thought about this for a moment and smiled because actually I could relate TOO much. When things are great I praise G-d and when things are shitty I am crying to him.
I think our relationship with ourselves are very similar yet in a different way. When we are happy we are content with life and it goes by so fast. When we are sad, a lot of us spend way too much time wallowing in that moment wishing we were out of it- which brings me back to my next point. When you are feeling negative or sad feelings and you stay in that place, you must know the danger of those feelings multiplying.
I have friends who handle pain and sadness the same way that I do. I have to hide away in my comfort place (and when I am traveling that’s very hard because I don’t have that) with netflix, a good book or magazines for inspiration and just sleep it off. I am being brutally honest right now. It’s not something that I am proud of per say, but it’s time that I allow myself because I know myself. I know that I need that to feel better.
I know, I know being a growing girl/woman is completely exhausting… let’s just say it. But you have to internalize and understand why you are going through emotions and see them as growth for the future. I see these times as preparation to be able to handle the goals I aspire to. They are not easy and they are very time consuming. Also- motherhood- dare I say or being someones WIFE? Women are strong for a reason, and every season has a change and purpose….
photos by muziflowparis @muziflowparis
styling by sara mahmoud @saraxmahmoud