I’m on the last leg of my american trip. I’ve gotten to spend time with my family, travel a lot all while going through life as I know it. Warning: this story is not a curated instagram account.

I am pretty open about things and life. I think struggles lead us to beautiful destinations sometimes, if not most of the time. But I am still honest and open that when you are going through things life can be fucking shitty & hard. The winter time always plays bittersweet tricks on me dragging me through moments of sadness and then timely awakening me to start my year. One thing I have learned is that this is called rest. During my last trip to LA I went to church for the first time in a long time. If you follow me you know that I am not religious, but I am spiritual and I believe many perspective things. During the sermon the pastor began to talk about rest. How sometimes, life gets to be a big ol’mess, you’re tired and unsure of where to move next… rest.

I’m a big advocate of self care, but I’m also a hard worker and like to push myself in all areas of life. Relationships, helping my family, healing, love and work. As an empath I always take in a lot of other peoples energy. That can leave me feeling exhausted and a bit lost even if I normally am on the right direction and path. I hoped to have more moments moving around with friends and what not, but to be honest I have been exhausted and took a lot of time to just recover and relax because I needed that.

My trip started out in Atlanta, where I’m from originally. I got to stay with my brother, his wife (my sister), and their two kids. When you’re used to roaming around a bunch traveling and also always being outside staying in the house for a month is really amazing… but can be a little boring. I realized this trip there are absolutely two sides of me. One that loves being at home, in the woods, doing nothing. And the other side of me that loves being active and on the move. I think both sides are important to my productivity. I love being with my family and I hate being so far away from them, but I really enjoy my life in the same breathe. It makes our moments together that much more special.

People assume that if you live so far away from your family, and you travel and live a crazy life that you don’t hope for that side of things. It couldn’t be further from the truth. When I am home with my family I discover more and more each time that family is the most important thing there is. I also became an aunt for the third time and have gotten to spend a lot of time with the new baby. I know a lot of you are my age reading this, a lot of you much younger- but being with a newborn the first few months of their life is so amazing. I can’t explain it. But I’m in love. I’m becoming an aunt for the fourth time this month too! It really has me thinking about when I will have chance to become a mother and what a blessing I think that will be.

I will be honest no matter how I plan my trips home, no matter how busy I stay I always go through ups & downs during this period. I experienced so many mixed emotions on this trip so far. Seeing my younger brothers have families before me when it’s something that I deeply desire, being there for my dad while he’s going through his divorce, and dealing with my own emotions of being estranged from my mother right now. I’ve also missed Europe so much, and the people I love there as well as working regularly. I’ve also had so many beautiful moments home on this trip so far. Bonding with my Father, and Uncle during their divorces. Getting my first business license. Watching my baby brother become a father to the most beautiful baby girl ever. Hanging out with my niece and nephew and seeing my sister pregnant.

I am preparing city guides about each one of my trips in each city. Atlanta, LA, and NYC. Right now I’m preparing to head back to LA and NYC and awaiting the birth of my new niece or nephew. I’m getting really sad to be in the last days with my family, but I also feel so blessed for the time I’ve had with them this trip. For anyone with the less than conventional family, I hope you know how important it is not to give up and to keep trying to make things better. Some of us are mediators naturally and the role we play in our families is meant to keep the peace and bring everybody together as well as provide emotional support. til next time! xx Bisou

top: @surfisdead
photos: Melisa Mendez