The month of May has flashed by me like a birthday weekend often does (only it’s not my birthday yet). I have traveled to almost 6 countries in less than 3 weeks all while working. Some nights I stay up for work til 6am like in Greece a few weeks back. Some nights it’s just 2 or 3. But some nights I don’t sleep at all like the other night, staying awake in Berlin after a gig, eating late night pizza with my german friends rushing to the airport in a melancholy dream like state to make a 6AM flight to be back for a 2pm speaking panel engagement in Amsterdam that afternoon at sneakerness. Did my panel, then came home to sleep for 6 hours alarm set for 1AM to re-prep my face to go to Paradiso to DJ with friends for Djordy’s memorial party.
That’s been my life lately, and while I have had a few moments of breakdown and tears the last weeks being a little fearful and lost in my ability to handle my elevation- I realize I have prayed, manifested and asked to grow in these ways. This post is all about how I feel being busy and overworked at times is a hint and preview to a next phase or shift in your life/career.
So many people give you the good ol’ “you’re killin it, keep it up,” but the thing is.. I’ve been killing it for the last 3-4 years. For me killing it being working independently, growing, doing what I love. I am a business woman in many aspects because I do not talk about everything that I am working on due to protecting my energy and the energy of my work. I feel that work speaks for itself and if you like it- it’s not important that I tell you how much work I put into it. I feel the same about when people copy me. I used to put a lot of energy into this, but now I just feel bad for people who are bored enough to literally copy someone they know knowing good and well the same people follow us and saw me do that first. One #tbt from me and your new project will look like you had me on your pinterest board.
But what I am speaking about now is what it feels like to see your dreams grow. I have had so many “in awe” moments of things I’d never thought would happen. DJing for celebrities, working for my favorite brands, having people I look up to fuck with me, and so much more.. but as I grow in myself spiritually and as a woman AS WELL as in my career things become relative daily. And those moments quickly became my normal. I have dreamed of being busy enough to be catching flights weekly. That was a goal. Now that I am in these moments I must admit and be clear that I have had crazy sleepless nights where I felt like I was on drugs (I’m sober)- and I have cried myself to sleep during nights because I just needed some moments to myself.
I know in my heart at this moment that my career is shifting. I won’t speak about all that I have going on but I feel it in my intuition and that these moments now, are preparing me for the next phase around the corner. I feel a lot of us are actually in great moments of phase changes. Being a person who is creative, has a voice, or can handle a lot of things is not an accident- it’s a gift meant to be used for good. Doing great things in our careers provide us the strength to provide for loved ones, make families, help people and so much more. It also gives us the personal strength to fight inner battles such as depression, anxiety, self confidence issues and more.
I remain connected with the notion that nothing is easy and nothing comes overnight. The last weeks I thought about how some of my “famous” friends do it. How can you be tired, be on the go, and also deal with people stealing your privacy. I was complaining to a friend about how tired I was and he cannot even go in the airport and walk around without being bothered. I realized his normal was different from mine, and actually what is happening to me now is a change in my normal. But I am starting to see that this is all preparation for what is next. When you see things you asked for clearly happening in front of your eyes, it makes you become much more focused and willing to push harder for the next goal.
I hope this resonates with someone, my end sentiment is to not let fear and discomfort stop you. I have cried in a 5 star hotel at least once these last weeks because I didn’t have enough time to take a nap and get ready before a gig. At some point I would have given anything to be in that room on that gig crying, so I have to keep everything in perspective now. Your dreams won’t look like they do on instagram always. But they will feel magical sometimes and that’s what it’s all about.
photos by Zoe A.