It’s such a cliche thing to speak or write about- self love. I live a very beautiful life, I am blessed, but life is just a huge lesson for all of us. I am constantly “figuring it out”, feeling lost, then figuring it out again. On my path of womanhood and not totally always being 100% comfortable in this world I am in I always try to keep it real and pass on the good stuff when it hits me, and helps me. So many of my friends proclaim how different I am on social media vs. real life. In real life, I am quite the romantic hermit. I like to have people over, I like to smoke weed, I like to read books, I like to make my home my castle. I love cooking for people and entertaining. But on instagram I look at times like a confident, radiant streetwear Goddess who quotes dirty rap lyrics. I am very much both of those people, I desire my success with work and public life, but I also crave a simple life with just what I need to spread love.
When I’m searching the internet for things to read, and be interested in I am looking for someone successful to tell me they are human and how they get through obstacles and to the other side. As much as I may not feel strong all the time I am one of those people, and I hope these tips help you as they have helped me!
The first part of self care starts with being honest and open about your current state (with yourself and with people who love you.) I have been traveling so much the last two years and the stress of living overseas has made me age I feel. I have been in an amazing whirlwind of a relationship that has had its major ups and downs, and so many emotional family moments, obstacles, and celebrations. All while learning to deal with myself in this new and exciting next phase of my life. I feel so powerful in my thirties but it’s also like pushing through the most painful part of a workout at times. You just feel exhausted and you need some support. Which is why I feel like building our lives with a spouse in our thirties is so beneficial. Before you can even think about starting a life with someone else you must deal with your shit.
I am not complaining about my life, but I am saying that being on the go all the time when you’re a “home” person with anxiety is a fucking mission. I am rude, moody and grumpy or I can’t wake up before 10am. I’ve been in the West Coast (9 hours difference from my normal life) for about a month now and everyday I wake up feeling like a cave person. So I had to take some responsibility for myself.
I said, “Aurielle, you’ve been on holiday with your family doing nothing for a month, you’ve felt sad in LA for two weeks… now you have to get off your ass and realign yourself with your missions.” I think we live in such a fast paced space that we really forget that other strong people go through shit times too. Some of my most favorite friends and mentors have been through hard times or like me suffer from constant anxiety.
Yoga and Meditation
Whenever I lose my “balance” (coucou J if you’re reading this), Yoga always brings me back and I motherfuckin hate working out man. I am a natural athlete but I’m also someone who can be chill with how I am naturally. Like Rihanna, my body comes and goes. I gain, I lose, and I’m cool at every stage of that. My relationship with working out is basically on a I go hard as I need to basis. And sometimes pushing your body is a great testament to what your mind can do. Whether it’s focusing on work, clearing my mind, resetting my intentions- when I push myself in yoga through holding strong poses I feel strong and capable of anything. At moments, I see my female form, my body in the mirror and I feel sexy and strong.
Meditation takes all my “fuck” moments out of my mouth. I am from the South and I am a persian girl! I have a little temper. I’m also a cancer so I’m moody af. I have to woo-sah sometimes and meditation takes the b right out of bitch for me. It centers me, and has me thinking straight again.
Looking in the Mirror and Remembering Who the Fuck you Are
I think this is an important one. The most important. Love yourself, Dang. Treat yourself good. Be proud of you. And Spread love. I like to wrap my restaurant leftovers up when I’m blessed enough to go out to eat, and give them to someone homeless. I always am searching for the perfect person to lock eyes with, hand them the food fresh fork and napkin, and remind them that they matter. It’s something between Me, G-d and them, but it’s something that I can do.
When I’m feeling insecure I like to put myself in the place of the person I feel insecure with and see if my mind is playing tricks on me. Half of the time it is, and I end up making a cool new friend. There’s a saying that, “you attract what you are”… when I think about this I instantly think about all the things that I love about myself. My big butt, my creativity, my taste in music, my taste in food, films, fashion, sneakers…my skin. I could go on but the fact is I shift from feeling bad about myself to instantly feeling good when I think about my real qualities and the fact that while I am very selective with men- I know at the end of the day what I am, and what I deserve. Even if I become a rich sneakerhead, dog-cat lady who owns her own amazing creative agency I will not forget that no matter how much I love someone else and want them in my life- I love myself more, and I want to be the best person that I can be for myself and for my future someone.
Love yourself. Love yourself. The more you love you the more light you bring for others to be able to love you in return.
Somethings, will just not work out. I don’t have a relationship with my mother. It bothers me, it hurts me, it makes me sad, it makes me tired, it makes me feel lost, and it makes me angry. But I also am learning how to deal with this heartbreak as I go along.
This is a facet of advice I am still going through and growing through as I’d like to think but I know we have so many things to worry about in life. Sometimes we have to leave our biggest fears to G-d. We have to let our biggest worries to the Lord, The Universe, whatever you believe. I really believe in divine timing and things get better when they should and when they have the room to. Like do you want to eat an avocado before its ready? No, it’s a waste. So trust in G-d’s timing sometimes and let things go. If they are yours they will always come back in the best ways.
DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO
Stay true to yourself and what you’re good at. Keeping busy and keeping at your goals is only going to help you keep moving forward. I feel when I am having more inner moments and moments of readjustments that the more I look to what I love doing and try to do that every day the more I stay at peace and ease. Especially during the holidays when we have more time on our hands. Free moments should be used for being creative, working and resting.
REHAB & UNPLUG
Which brings me to my last important peace of advice for how to feel good when you aren’t. Do some nice things for yourself and say no when your engine is low. If I’m tired, if I need to work, if I need alone time- I take it. I also try to take care of myself inside and out.
Taking a night off from eating delivery food.
Taking a bath.
Putting on a mask.
Reading a book for pleasure.
Binge watching a netflix series.
Getting my eyebrows done.
Getting my nails or a pedicure.
Giving myself a pedicure (free.99)
Going to the korean spa and getting the whole scrub down.
Cooking yourself dinner and smoking weed.
Going for a drive.
Do an extra workout or meditation.
Buy new lingerie.
Take a hot shower.
Take yourself out to eat.
Buy a new lipstick.
Go see a movie alone or with your boyfriend (bring chipotle if alone, have some fun with boyfriend in the back row if he’s with you.)
Sex. (within a loving adult relationship)
These are just somethings that have worked for me. The winter time is super rough not only due to the weather, but the lack of sun and vitamin D from the sun that we naturally need. Days are shorter and energy is sparse. Spring always come so take the time for you! Learning to love yourself will be a lifelong mission, take it a day at a time. When you know better, do better!